good rythme. with a rhyme scheme like that, like back to back lines rhyming, when the first two stanzas follow the same pattern (regular rhyme) its expected that the last two stanzas will as well. the slant rhyme works well but i would mix it up (like do one stanza of a regular rhyming couplet then one of slant rhyme). just so you dont set the expectation in the beginning of the poem to be regular rhyme through out. just a suggestion for next time, but otherwise i like it :-) i like the word lure.
i'm sorry riley i've been busyy. and poet sounds too formal. dont call me a poet. i'll comment now.
ReplyDeletegood rythme. with a rhyme scheme like that, like back to back lines rhyming, when the first two stanzas follow the same pattern (regular rhyme) its expected that the last two stanzas will as well. the slant rhyme works well but i would mix it up (like do one stanza of a regular rhyming couplet then one of slant rhyme). just so you dont set the expectation in the beginning of the poem to be regular rhyme through out. just a suggestion for next time, but otherwise i like it :-) i like the word lure.
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